Over the years I keep hearing and reading various things that impress me (or appeal to my slightly warped sense of humour), since I`ve had a computer I`ve gathered these into a file, and although I haven`t updated it in quite a while, I decided, what the hell, and have posted it here for everyones enjoyment.
...This...is the end...
...for BOTH of us...
We could have changed the world...
...now look at us...
I've become...a political liability...
...you're a joke...
I want you...to remember, Clark...
...in all the years to come...
...in your most private moments...
I want you to rememeber ...my hand...at your throat...
...I want...you to remember...
...The one man who beat you...
Mel - So what will you do if you do win our competition (Miss Late Lunch 1998)
Stephen Fry - Well what is it they always say, Helping starvation and wiping out children.
Trevor McDonald - So how do things look for Mr Clinton now?
US Reporter - Well this is just another dice roll in this game of poker.
Sheridan - Well, I'm not entirely sure what my superiors back home would say if I started turning up places with a Narn Bodyguard.
Ta'Lon - They would say "Here is a man who will live to be a hundred and fifty."
The Doctor - Divine intervention is unlikely.
Marquis de Carabas - Actually I matter very much, but I have to agree, don`t do it.
Demon - Who the hell are you?
Ash - Name's Ash! Housewares!
Spider Man - Gaaak
Titania - Short and sweet, I LIKE it.
Superboy- Yeah -- were spotted like dalmations!
Superboy - Thats totally psycho,man. I like it! Course I`d like it better if we were talkin about Michelle Pfeiffer.
Deaths Head - You haven`t seen them.
Superboy - Take em out? They`re noy even my type! Okay maybe if I rearrange their faces!
Stone - `Nova Beam.'
Venom - OOOOO, Spiffy name! I think we`ll call this broken water pipe `Rodney'!
Carnage - That`s MY line --! I`M supposed to be the MONSTER here!
Shriek - Correct me if I`m wrong honey-bun -- but this is definitely NOT your parents Spider Man
Abslom Daak - Sure Mercurius is a criminal and sure he`s hard to handle ... But who said anything about him being a FRIEND ?
Waldo D.R Dobbs - Life is about 70 years, unless you do something utterly outrageous like trying to slamdance while priming plastic explosives - in which case your guess is as good as mine, man.
Deaths Head - And You`re my next victim. On balance I win.
Deaths Head - Me and the inevitable never did get on that well... So any delay is fine with me. See you around, Bozo.
Chronozone - Because.. Because I...
Deaths Head - Bleeeeb! Times up! Wrong answer! But Hey! Thanks, for playing!
Know that men call you LIAR!
Know that men call you BETRAYER!
Know that men call you DEFILER!
Therefore, it is the duty of the angel AZRAEL to bring you..
..The punishment of DEATH by FIERY SWORD!
There are worlds out there, where the sky is burning,
the seas asleep,
and the rivers dream;
people made of smoke,
and cities made of song.
Somewhere there's danger.
Somewhere there's injustice.
And somewhere else the tea is getting cold!
Come on Ace, we've got work to do!
1) Never share a foxhole with somebody braver than you are.
2) No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
3) Friendly fire, ain't.
4) The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is an officer with a map.
5) The problem with taking the easy way out is, the enemy has already mined it.
6) The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to fire at.
7) The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
8) Incoming fire has right of way.
9) If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
10) The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
11) If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
12) The only time supressing fire works, is on abandoned positions.
13) The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is, incoming friendly fire.
14) There is nothing more satisfying than having somebody take a shot at you, and miss.
15) Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
16) If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Q: How do you stop a clown from laughing?
A: Hit him in the face with an axe.
1) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
2) If at first you don't succeed, blame it on somebody else.
3) If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
4) If at first you don't succeed, Give up, You're a schmuck.
If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ``That guy sure owed me a lot of money.''
Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty, then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I thought WE won!"
Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He'd get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn't have the right answers, mister, you'd be peeling potatoes or chainging the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn't in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have.
When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
If life deals you lemons, why not go kill somone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?
If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I thought you said `inspection'." They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.
Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture.
Page designed in Notepad, logo and buttons done in Personal Paint on the Amiga.
Images stolen from various web page I`ve now forgotten where (Copyright however will reside with LucasFilm).
Any complaints, writs for copyright abuse, etc should be addressed to the Webmaster FreddyB